I started this blog just to have a place to write my thoughts. Then I decided that maybe other moms would like to read up on someone and know that they are not alone when they have the feelings that moms tend to have, especially with little ones running around. I have Irish Twins and am finishing up my first year of marriage. Its amazing how life can change, and do so in such a crazy whirlwind way. About two years ago, my life was completely different. I was in college, partying some, working, hanging out with friends and family, ya know all the normal stuff a 20 year old does. Then I found out I was pregnant with my first, Kiara, and my life started to change.
It became apparent to me that things that mattered before, didn't matter now. People who used to be worth being around, weren't worth the time and energy anymore. I wasn't just spending my money on new clothes or eating out etc. I was saving it for a bigger apartment, for carseat, cribs, dressers, etc. I owe my husband for a lot. He helped me through the hardest parts of my pregnancy. He helped me realize that just bc someone is family, doesn't mean you have to continue to allow them to hurt you.
All throughout my pregnancy I dealt with a lot of depression and low self esteem. I had always been a size 3-5 and now I weighed a whopping 190 at the end of my pregnancy. I'm 5'4" btw. This made me feel even more like I wasn't myself. I was depressed about this, I was depressed about most of my family sucking, I was depressed about worrying if my then fiance now husband would leave bc I was so fat or bc he didn't want to have a baby anymore. I know now that I owe that all to hormones, but at the time it all felt like real feelings.
The depression didn't end just because my daughter was born. I was diagnosed with post partum depression. I was given medication for this and it helped a lot. Before the medicine, I took everything very personally. I thought that every little thing that went wrong was the worst thing ever. I felt like I had nothing, even thought deep down I knew I had quite a bit. Exactly 4 weeks and 1 day after I had my first, I got pregnant with my second, Keaton. We chose, this because I wanted to get another pregnancy out of the way, and I wanted Kiara to have a sibbling very close to her age to be close to. It just made sense for us. I was on the anti-depressent and was ready for this.
My second pregnancy was a lot harder than my first for a few reasons. One being I HAD A NEWBORN AT HOME :). She kept me on my toes everyday. I was also working full time as a server still and going to school full time. Pregnancy wears you out to begin with so all of this piled on top of that was a lot to handle. Another reason was that Keaton kept tricking us into thinking he was gonna show up beginning at around 29weeks. Luckily he stayed in the oven until about 35 weeks, as did my first.
When Keaton was born, the energy didn't just pop back into my life to say the least ;), but things have definitely gotten easier.
Through all of this my husband and I have just about made it through our 1st year of marriage...(7 more days). It definitely wasn't easy, we went through A LOT. We have had a lot of people and things try to keep us down, but here we are. :D My husband and I are currently reading The Love Dare. Even if you think you have the perfect marriage, I reccomend reading this with your spouse. It's a 40 day journey, but so far it is really bettering us.
Even through everything that happens in my life, I really can't complain. I have 2 great kids who are well behaved, especially for their ages, a husband who I love and he loves me, a now small but loving family, and I'm alive and breathing! Well this is just a small glimpse into the last 2 years of my life, I am sure I will talk more, about them, and a lot more about what happens now :)
