Today cakes were brought up on my favorite parenting site and it got me thinking about birthdays. Then I realized, HOLY CRAP my second's first birthday is ONLY 2 1/2 months away. Now obviously I know when his birthday is and I know he is 9 1/2 months old lol. It just had not hit me that he is already about to be a year old! Now I feel like I have to take on my other identity "Crazy Super Mom Party Planning Lady" for lack of a better name lol.
I am excited about this, bc it makes me feel like I have something to acomplish and that I am actually needed for something "big". Lame, probably, but I feel important so nana nana boo boo *sticks tounge out* ;)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
How do you know?
When to have another a baby, or to even have another baby at all? My husband and I have gone back and forth with this idea since my second was about 6 or 7 months old. Now 9 months old, we are really still on the fence. Some days I feel like YES I want another, I want to be pregnant and to have the birth and this new baby and new life, and to make my family that much bigger.
Then there are THOSE days. Those days when I feel like ABSOLUTELY NOT. On THOSE days I feel like, there is no way I want another one, at least not right now. I do well enough to keep my sanity with the two I have sometimes. Everyone is screaming all day, day in day out. Kiara wants what she wants, but won't tell me, she just screams at me and takes me to the general area of what she wants and I have to guess. Keaton wants to be held most of the day and is not afraid to hop in on the scream fest if he doesn't get picked up a.s.a.p..
Then there are the fence days. The days that I think yes I want another one, but am quickly reminded of yesterday when both of my kids were trying their hardest to send me to the looney bin. Back and forth, back and forth I go.
So how do you know? My kids are never going to be perfectly behaved. I don't want a huge age gap in between my kids, but I also don't know that I want to have 3 baby/barely-toddlers all at once. I'm liking the body I have gained, but I also am confident that I can keep from going overboard with weight gain, now that I have learned a lot about health and fitness.
Oh and did I forget to put in that other important factor? Oh yes I must have missed that. WHAT DOES MY HUSBAND THINK?! Well, I really couldn't begin to tell you. He is as back and forth as I am. One day he is like lets do it, lets just do it. I want another baby. I go running to my friendly parenting site to announce to everyone that ok we are going to start TTC, and then the next day or so comes. The next day or so comes, and he says, "I think we should wait awhile." Being a woman, at this point I have already put myself into full TTC mommy I'm so excited for my new baby mode. So this obviously upsets me and I feel like my dreams are being crushed. Okay, okay, that might be a little dramatic, but you get the point.
So when will I know? You're guess is as good as mine. Maybe we will come to a decision and plan accordingly, or maybe two pink lines might just come knocking at our door.
Then there are THOSE days. Those days when I feel like ABSOLUTELY NOT. On THOSE days I feel like, there is no way I want another one, at least not right now. I do well enough to keep my sanity with the two I have sometimes. Everyone is screaming all day, day in day out. Kiara wants what she wants, but won't tell me, she just screams at me and takes me to the general area of what she wants and I have to guess. Keaton wants to be held most of the day and is not afraid to hop in on the scream fest if he doesn't get picked up a.s.a.p..
Then there are the fence days. The days that I think yes I want another one, but am quickly reminded of yesterday when both of my kids were trying their hardest to send me to the looney bin. Back and forth, back and forth I go.
So how do you know? My kids are never going to be perfectly behaved. I don't want a huge age gap in between my kids, but I also don't know that I want to have 3 baby/barely-toddlers all at once. I'm liking the body I have gained, but I also am confident that I can keep from going overboard with weight gain, now that I have learned a lot about health and fitness.
Oh and did I forget to put in that other important factor? Oh yes I must have missed that. WHAT DOES MY HUSBAND THINK?! Well, I really couldn't begin to tell you. He is as back and forth as I am. One day he is like lets do it, lets just do it. I want another baby. I go running to my friendly parenting site to announce to everyone that ok we are going to start TTC, and then the next day or so comes. The next day or so comes, and he says, "I think we should wait awhile." Being a woman, at this point I have already put myself into full TTC mommy I'm so excited for my new baby mode. So this obviously upsets me and I feel like my dreams are being crushed. Okay, okay, that might be a little dramatic, but you get the point.
So when will I know? You're guess is as good as mine. Maybe we will come to a decision and plan accordingly, or maybe two pink lines might just come knocking at our door.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Losing my mind...
Yeah its happening. I am pretty sure my kids get together and plan to see how far they can push my nerves sometimes. Kiara is only 15 months and she is in the terrible twos lol. Idk why they even call it the terrible twos, I call it the terrible toddlers haha. She will do exactly what I say not to do and look right at me, and yes she knows she is not supposed to be doing it, she is very smart. I get her out of something and show her toys and play with her, but the minute I get up to go do something else she is right behind me and before I know it she is into something. She does it for attention, not to be bad, but she has my attention all day! lol She is non stop mama, mom, mom, mom, mama, ma ma, mom all day and she is SOOOO freaking sweet and cute and will run up and hug me, but man I need a few mins lol. She wants to sit with me whenever I am on the couch, but she doesn't wanna sit lol, she will give me a kiss and then go to grab something she isn't allowed to have. Yes, she is a smart girl and knows how to use her cuteness already ugh. Another reason I wish she would not be attatched to my hip is bc I obviously have to take care of Keaton lol. She loves her baby brother so much and it is so hard to tell her no Kiara you can't help with that bc you aren't big enough. I feel bad, but all moms know what I mean. Keaton is getting to the age where he doesn't wanna lay down at all, but he can't sit up alone just yet, and he gets mad sometimes when he is sitting assisted, even when being held sometimes. He also wants to stand up while you hold his hands, but only sometimes or else he gets mad lol. I love both of my kids don't get me wrong, but I think its safe to say that every mom feels this way sometimes, and with that along with all the other stressors of life, MAN it can drive you nuts :)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Where in the mom manual?
Where in the mom manual did it say that at times life would be crazy hectic out of control, and in the blink of an eye (bedtime usually) your life can become so boring and just calm? Where in the mom manual did it say when one has a fever, get your blankets and huddle up, bc there is about to be a storm of sickness brewing in your home for everyone? Where in the mom manual did it say you will go from being someone who only needs to take care of yourself to a servant for all those around you? Where in the mom manual did it say, you are never going to be able to go to the bathroom alone again? Where in the mom manual did it say, that your bedroom would become this mysterious room that makes their imaginations run wild when just looking at it? Where in the mom manual did it say that daddy's don't do all nights, not baby all nights anyways? Where in the mom manual did it say that at times going a couple of days without a shower would just seem normal? Where in the mom manual did it say, that you should add a flushing device and bigger drain to your bath tub, bc you never know when you might find a surprise number 2 in there? Where in the mom manual did it say your shins would be a big bruise, bc even though your bed has been in the same spot since you moved in, you still seem to run right into it in the middle of the night feedings? I could keep going, but where in the mom manual was all of this? We all have those times when we sit and think, I definitely didn't think this is how it was going to be lol. The what to expect books don't tell you about all of this. The mom manual should. The only problem is, the mom manual isn't written until you find all of this out for yourself. Just some random thoughts
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Why did I start this?
I started this blog just to have a place to write my thoughts. Then I decided that maybe other moms would like to read up on someone and know that they are not alone when they have the feelings that moms tend to have, especially with little ones running around. I have Irish Twins and am finishing up my first year of marriage. Its amazing how life can change, and do so in such a crazy whirlwind way. About two years ago, my life was completely different. I was in college, partying some, working, hanging out with friends and family, ya know all the normal stuff a 20 year old does. Then I found out I was pregnant with my first, Kiara, and my life started to change.
It became apparent to me that things that mattered before, didn't matter now. People who used to be worth being around, weren't worth the time and energy anymore. I wasn't just spending my money on new clothes or eating out etc. I was saving it for a bigger apartment, for carseat, cribs, dressers, etc. I owe my husband for a lot. He helped me through the hardest parts of my pregnancy. He helped me realize that just bc someone is family, doesn't mean you have to continue to allow them to hurt you.
All throughout my pregnancy I dealt with a lot of depression and low self esteem. I had always been a size 3-5 and now I weighed a whopping 190 at the end of my pregnancy. I'm 5'4" btw. This made me feel even more like I wasn't myself. I was depressed about this, I was depressed about most of my family sucking, I was depressed about worrying if my then fiance now husband would leave bc I was so fat or bc he didn't want to have a baby anymore. I know now that I owe that all to hormones, but at the time it all felt like real feelings.
The depression didn't end just because my daughter was born. I was diagnosed with post partum depression. I was given medication for this and it helped a lot. Before the medicine, I took everything very personally. I thought that every little thing that went wrong was the worst thing ever. I felt like I had nothing, even thought deep down I knew I had quite a bit. Exactly 4 weeks and 1 day after I had my first, I got pregnant with my second, Keaton. We chose, this because I wanted to get another pregnancy out of the way, and I wanted Kiara to have a sibbling very close to her age to be close to. It just made sense for us. I was on the anti-depressent and was ready for this.
My second pregnancy was a lot harder than my first for a few reasons. One being I HAD A NEWBORN AT HOME :). She kept me on my toes everyday. I was also working full time as a server still and going to school full time. Pregnancy wears you out to begin with so all of this piled on top of that was a lot to handle. Another reason was that Keaton kept tricking us into thinking he was gonna show up beginning at around 29weeks. Luckily he stayed in the oven until about 35 weeks, as did my first.
When Keaton was born, the energy didn't just pop back into my life to say the least ;), but things have definitely gotten easier.
Through all of this my husband and I have just about made it through our 1st year of marriage...(7 more days). It definitely wasn't easy, we went through A LOT. We have had a lot of people and things try to keep us down, but here we are. :D My husband and I are currently reading The Love Dare. Even if you think you have the perfect marriage, I reccomend reading this with your spouse. It's a 40 day journey, but so far it is really bettering us.
Even through everything that happens in my life, I really can't complain. I have 2 great kids who are well behaved, especially for their ages, a husband who I love and he loves me, a now small but loving family, and I'm alive and breathing! Well this is just a small glimpse into the last 2 years of my life, I am sure I will talk more, about them, and a lot more about what happens now :)
It became apparent to me that things that mattered before, didn't matter now. People who used to be worth being around, weren't worth the time and energy anymore. I wasn't just spending my money on new clothes or eating out etc. I was saving it for a bigger apartment, for carseat, cribs, dressers, etc. I owe my husband for a lot. He helped me through the hardest parts of my pregnancy. He helped me realize that just bc someone is family, doesn't mean you have to continue to allow them to hurt you.
All throughout my pregnancy I dealt with a lot of depression and low self esteem. I had always been a size 3-5 and now I weighed a whopping 190 at the end of my pregnancy. I'm 5'4" btw. This made me feel even more like I wasn't myself. I was depressed about this, I was depressed about most of my family sucking, I was depressed about worrying if my then fiance now husband would leave bc I was so fat or bc he didn't want to have a baby anymore. I know now that I owe that all to hormones, but at the time it all felt like real feelings.
The depression didn't end just because my daughter was born. I was diagnosed with post partum depression. I was given medication for this and it helped a lot. Before the medicine, I took everything very personally. I thought that every little thing that went wrong was the worst thing ever. I felt like I had nothing, even thought deep down I knew I had quite a bit. Exactly 4 weeks and 1 day after I had my first, I got pregnant with my second, Keaton. We chose, this because I wanted to get another pregnancy out of the way, and I wanted Kiara to have a sibbling very close to her age to be close to. It just made sense for us. I was on the anti-depressent and was ready for this.
My second pregnancy was a lot harder than my first for a few reasons. One being I HAD A NEWBORN AT HOME :). She kept me on my toes everyday. I was also working full time as a server still and going to school full time. Pregnancy wears you out to begin with so all of this piled on top of that was a lot to handle. Another reason was that Keaton kept tricking us into thinking he was gonna show up beginning at around 29weeks. Luckily he stayed in the oven until about 35 weeks, as did my first.
When Keaton was born, the energy didn't just pop back into my life to say the least ;), but things have definitely gotten easier.
Through all of this my husband and I have just about made it through our 1st year of marriage...(7 more days). It definitely wasn't easy, we went through A LOT. We have had a lot of people and things try to keep us down, but here we are. :D My husband and I are currently reading The Love Dare. Even if you think you have the perfect marriage, I reccomend reading this with your spouse. It's a 40 day journey, but so far it is really bettering us.
Even through everything that happens in my life, I really can't complain. I have 2 great kids who are well behaved, especially for their ages, a husband who I love and he loves me, a now small but loving family, and I'm alive and breathing! Well this is just a small glimpse into the last 2 years of my life, I am sure I will talk more, about them, and a lot more about what happens now :)
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